Hospice
Fundraising
Brenda, mum to Lindsay, Hayley and Paul, was a beautiful, kind and generous woman – who couldn’t do enough for her children, husband, 6 grandchildren and 2 sisters.
She loved make-up, beauty products and smellies, spending her early career working at a Charles of the Ritz cosmetics counter in Fenwick on Northumberland Street. Brenda then became a sales negotiator, working for the company that is now known as Taylor Wimpey for 20 plus years. She also spent her days off working as a district nurse, and later as an auxiliary nurse, in the Freeman hospital so that her children could go to private school.
Daughter, Hayley, remembered:
“My mum loved buying smellies and cushions, her grandchildren always refer to Marks and Spencer as ‘grandma’s shop’. Her house smelt of The White Company and Jo Malone candles and diffusers with a bathroom full of Molton Brown.
“She spent so many years treating all of us, it was nice to see mum buy these luxury items for herself. She definitely liked the finer things in life!”
She spent her days off from full-time work looking after her grandchildren, taking them to toddler groups, various classes and then to school.
“Dad always says that was mum’s favourite thing to do, taking the kids to and from school,” Hayley added.
When Brenda started experiencing back pain, she at first paid it no heed. She put it down to a pulled muscle and carried on caring for everyone else, cleaning her spotless home, which she enjoyed doing. Brenda never sat still.
When the pain became unbearable, Brenda decided to seek medical advice. She visited her GP several times, eventually asking to be seen at the hospital. The medical professionals at the hospital told her the pain was due muscle spasms that they could see in her back.
Hayley continued: “When she was waiting to be seen in hospital she went and bought a stranger who was in pain a coffee at Costa, that’s how kind and thoughtful she was.”
As the doctor had seemingly confirmed the diagnosis as muscular, she visited her third different physiotherapist who recommended she get an x-ray.
When the x-ray revealed worrying lesions on her spine, Brenda was sent for additional tests.
In February 2021, the mum and grandmother was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer that had spread to her spine.
Courses of radiotherapy and chemotherapy followed, and Brenda visited our Focus on Living Centre for complementary therapy.
After a fall at home, Brenda spent time in hospital. She had an operation to try and heal the fracture from her fall. It was then discussed that she couldn’t continue with cancer treatment as she was too weak.
Brenda started physiotherapy in hospital and then it was suggested that hospice care might be able to help her get stronger. Although she was reluctant to stay overnight in St Oswald’s Hospice’s Adult Inpatient Service at first, she agreed to go as it was close to her home in Brunton Park.
Hayley explained it was a decision that was to benefit her and the whole family:
“The hospice was such a contrast from the hospital. It felt like a home from home. Mum was taken to a private room, and we were all there with her. Someone came to talk to us. It didn’t feel like they were only caring for Mum; they were caring for the family, too.”
Lindsay described it as “five star; the staff were true angels,” while Paul, who lives out of the area, found it reassuring that he could always call the hospice for support.
The care team asked Brenda what she liked, and, after revealing she hadn’t had her hair washed in hospital for weeks due to her lack of mobility, the team set a ‘pamper plan’ in motion.
First, Brenda spent time in the hospice’s spa bathroom where the team helped her soak in the large accessible spa bath. Relaxing mood lighting, soothing music and delightful scents were the order of the day.
“My sister bought her favourite Rhubarb and Rose smellies from Molton Brown and I contacted Mum’s nail technician who she’d religiously visited every 3 weeks,” Hayley said.
It was then arranged for Darcie and Tommy, Brenda’s nail technicians, to come to the hospice and give her an indulgent manicure and pedicure.
Hayley continued: “We all gathered in the Family Room and Mum was wheeled in through in her bed. It was snowing, and the grandchildren were out in the garden. We had M&S snacks, with Mum putting in her requests ‘for the children’, and my Auntie Christine baked her delicious cakes, which mum loved.”
Everyone appreciated the calm and relaxing environment created especially for the grandchildren who were aged between 3 and 11 years old at the time.
Hayley explained: “The kids had visited Mum in hospital, but it had been a horrible experience. I thought that was going to be the last time they saw Mum, so it meant so much that they were able to make those nice memories with her in the hospice.”
Brenda spent two weeks at St Oswald’s Hospice’s Adult Inpatient Service. She died on 9th December 2023, aged 61, with her husband by her side.
The grandchildren have held school fundraising events, with many family members running the Great North Run in aid of the Hospice. They have raised thousands of pounds since December last year and intend to keep doing so.
“We just want to repay some of the care and support St Oswald’s Hospice offered us,” Brenda’s daughter added.
Hayley also attended a Tea Around the Tree remembrance event at St Oswald’s Hospice, which proved emotional, as she explained:
“It was the first time I’d been back at the Hospice, and I became very upset while viewing mum’s leaf on the tree in the garden. Typical of St Oswald’s Hospice, someone scooped me up, took me to a private room, gave me a drink of water and made sure I was ok. We then arranged a date for me to go back to see a bereavement support worker, also named Brenda.”
Hayley rejoined the event, where she chatted with other bereaved families.
“I talked to a woman who was there with her child, brother and mother, and a woman who used to be a teacher, like me, and a man who was keen on photography. We talked about our loved ones, but lots of other things too. We were all different, but we had this connection between us.”
Sharing her grief with others encouraged Hayley to take up the offer of Bereavement Support for her and her children at the hospice.
“The kids have spent time with [Children’s Bereavement Support Practitioner] Sarah. I don’t know what type of magic she has, but they love it. I think it’s just having a place to talk without judgement or fear of upsetting anyone.”
This December will mark the first anniversary of Brenda’s death.
It will be a difficult time for the family but thanks to St Oswald’s Hospice, they will be able to remember some special memories when Brenda – and the whole family – felt truly cared for.
If you would like to dedicate a light in memory of someone you love and miss, please visit our Light up a Life page to find out more about making your dedication and how you can join our in-person remembrance event on Thursday 12th December 2024.
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